Among the latest Internet hate-fest rampages is the subject of autumn. I don’t get it. People seem to have lost sight of the fact that pumpkin spice lattes signal the end of the asphalt-melting, sweating-out-your-eyeballs, my-lawn-is-crispy-but-I-no-longer-care season.
But I haven’t.
True, summer around here has yet to come to an abrupt end. It’s still that time of year where the jacket I wear in the morning is something I come regret like that 9th grade mash-session with the kid from band club by about noon. At least the nip in the morning air heralds a season where I look forward to no longer worrying about whether I’m overdue for a pedicure. See ya, sandals.
When fall really does make its appearance, I find myself energized. Full of the vim and vigor required to clean out my closets and find my fluffy slippers. God bless fall. And fluffy slippers.
… and food. Fall food makes me happy. Not that it’s exciting. In fact, the very lack of variety and flavor are what I crave these days. We’ve been picking up our weekly supply of veggies from our veggie co-op since May and this is the last week for that nonsense.
Then it’ll be back to supplementing our weekly meat-and-beer diet with the occasional broccoli floret from the produce department. Not a care in the world about where it comes from or what it’s sprayed with. No more wondering what the hell to do some of the stuff I pick up from my wholesome gardening friends, like the five-gallon bag of arugula for which back in July I’d have been enthusiastically perusing recipes on Pinterest, but which today overwhelms me. So it sits there, in the crisper until the pungent smell of rot wafts from the bowels of my fridge like the gnarled, accusing finger of the Ghost of Veggies Past.
You are a Food Waster, missy. Have you no shame?
And for that matter, can I just say I don’t understand eggplant? You can slice it and fry it and cover it with cheese and tomatoes, and probably candied-freaking-sprinkles for that matter, and your family still will turn their noses up at it. You can grind it up and mix it with lemon and tahini and you get something with the relative consistency of phlegm mixed with snot in a used spittoon.
Baba-whatever-the-hell-it-is, it is not even vaguely appetizing to me.
Then there’s the clothing. Long sleeves, people. Pretty scarves. They’ve been dying to come back out of the closet since June. I have missed them just as much as the fluffy slippers.
And hello football. I’m not crazy about it, but Mike is, and some other people with whom I like spending time, which makes for a good excuse for getting together someplace I don’t have to worry about what shape my yard is in, or whether my kid’s going to get stung by a wasp and swell up like a balloon.
And guess, what, all you people who love air conditioning? You can knock that crap off. It’s cool outside. Why do people feel the need, in summer, to set the thermostat to mimic the relative temperature of the surface of Pluto? No one ever acclimates to the heat by freezing every time they come in from outside. It isn’t ever necessary to imitate the climate north of the Artic Circle in February. Especially when it’s not February. Give your air conditioner a damn break.
I have been so over the whole yard work thing since about mid July. My neighbors have likely been over my being over the yard work thing, too. Lets raise a big mug of hard cider to everything stopping the growing thing for a few months, and hope a big snowfall comes to hide all this crap just as soon as possible.
And, you know, running in October reminds me that I like running, whereas about five minutes of running in August will make me feel like my quads have the relative consistency of gummy worms. Midway into mile two I’ll be blinded by sunscreen that’s hitched a ride on my sweat directly into my eyeballs. Fall running means a hat and long sleeves. No sunscreen. No gummy worm legs. It’s glorious.
I’ll give you hayrides being overrated. Hay is itchy and horses fart. But have you ever chucked a pumpkin? That only happens once a year, and by my estimation is the best use of a vegetable ever. Hands down. Mind you, I’ve never actually done it, but I stand in full support of pumpkin chucking.
… AND Octoberfest. You don’t get that in July. Why not, you ask? Because lederhosen in July would be hot. And ridiculous. And it’s July. They called it Octoberfest for a reason. I don’t know what exactly that reason is, given that Octoberfest in Germany is actually in September, and lederhosen are kind of overrated no matter what time of year it is. But, um. Beer. That’s where we were going with this. Shush.
So, chill with your war on autumn, Internet. Nobody’s forcing you to warm your paws on an overpriced, over sweetened mug of orange-tinted syrup-with-whip. In just a few short weeks we’ll be smack in the middle of the holiday season and have something real to grumble about.
I, for one, am going to take a second to enjoy not worrying about having sandal-ready toes, or how much SPF I need just to take out the garbage.
Then I gotta get someone around here to grab a rake, because those freaking leaves aren’t just going to take care of themselves.
***
Clicking on the banner below to register a vote for my little blog is the right thing to do in any season. With or without a pumpkin spiced latte. Thank you.
photo by: Gratisography
28 comments
Autumn IS awesome. Anyone who doesn\’t see the appeal of fluffy sweaters, warming your hands on a hot cup of tea/cider, or crunching through brightly colored fallen leaves on a foggy day can\’t be my friend.
I don\’t understand eggplant either. The only time I\’ve ever had it and enjoyed it was when my husband\’s grandmother made us her famous eggplant parmesan. I don\’t know what Italian witchcraft she used to put that dish together, but she somehow managed to solve all the flavor and texture issues I normally have with that weirdo vegetable. She gave me the recipe, but I\’ve been too afraid to make it. I don\’t know if I can pull off that level of magic.
I\’ve known people who can work with eggplant. I, unfortunately, cannot. I\’m glad I\’m not the only one.
And I love crunchy leaves underfoot, especially if they\’re not hiding dog poop.
I am with you 1000% Autumn is my favorite time of the year. Especially here in New England where it is glorious (and the spring is crap).
Oh, I\’ll bet autumn is awesome where you are. Winter\’s great too (here, at least). Spring is kind of …meh… around here, and then BLAMO, it\’s summer again. Two weeks of \”how do I love thee? Let me count the ways,\” followed by a good three months of \”kill me. Kill me now.\”
Yes! I\’m with you. Autumn is the best season of all. Grinned when I read about Leavenworth. I used to work for a bus company organizing tours for Seniors. I packaged up a lovely tour to Leavenworth – the Bavarian town of the Pacific Northwest. Never been there. Ever. However, I sold several bus trips worth and it was a big success. Must get down there one day.
It\’s Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. Yay! A sure sign that we\’re into Fall.
Man, they really tear it up for Octoberfest in Leavenworth, and it\’s beautiful in the mountains. Quite a hike from where we are, though, maybe 7 hours. Or with kids, a good 10.
Ha ha, I LOVE your title so much!!! I love Autumn too! We used to live in New England and the fall foliage was amazing. We went on so many \”leaf peeping\” drives and it always put me in the fall spirit! I\’m a big Halloween fan too! LOVE this time of year!
I like Halloween much better now that I don\’t have to escort little goblins around the \’hood!
I don\’t know about the beer festivals (I don\’t need much excuse to drink it at any time of the year), but it is great to have a little break between huge air-conditioning bills and huge heating bills. You didn\’t mention them, but I\’m not sorry to see the back of mosquitoes either.
You know, at least this year, the mosquitoes weren\’t too bad.
One thing I DON\’T like about autumn, though, is all the creepy crawlies that start to come in when the weather gets cold. Blech.
I dislike autumn. I can\’t hate it. Summer is my preference. Forever.
I\’m a big summer fan for a couple of months. If only it wasn\’t so dang loooong and hawwwt.
BIG fan of fall, as long as it isn\’t too cold to start. i like to ease into the frigid temperatures! my only problem with autumn is the whole pumpkin spice craze–i get sick of the flavors before thanksgiving even gets here!
Oh, yes, you\’re right there. Last year we had a big freeze early on. It killed my favorite Japanese maple.
I couldn\’t agree more – I am attempting to backyard homestead for the first time this year and I am so looking forward to the rest season. Summer and spring and fall are all full of stuff to get done in the garden and chicken coop … but fall is my favorite because I know once it\’s over, winter will be here and I can just chill inside with tea and books and writing. PUMPED! Sweaters rule, too 🙂 Great post!
Truly, nothing will make a body look forward to Fall like a big garden. Get ready to rest up and recharge! And thanks for stopping by.
I\’m completely with you on this one… and I\’m definitely ready to get back into running this fall!
Lace up those shoes and do it, girl!
absolutely love this! It\’s so true. People need to back off of autumn, it\’s the best time of the year. Also I don\’t trust anyone who doesn\’t like pumpkin flavoured foods
Thanks Elly! Kindred spirits.
All I can say is YOU ARE MY SOULMATE! That is all. (Drops mic.)
Ahahaha, Lisa!
OK, so I wrote a post about hating PSL\’s (and I stand by that) but otherwise? I LOVE this season. Sureeeee, I\’m a beach girl and love living by the ocean and spending my weekend days basking in the sun and having a golden tan – but Fall….it\’s a tie or at the very least, a close second. I love a perfect 65 degree sunny day, the clothes, the foliage, all of it.
My biggest issue with this season is that it\’s WAY too short. I\’d love if we had a solid 4 months or so of this, but sadly – (at least where I live in NY) we dont. October is beautiful, and then November essentially becomes winter. And then winter lasts until March. And then I am VERY, VERY unhappy.
Oh, I must be behind Allison! I didn\’t see your post about PSL. I\’ll have to catch up on my reading.
And yes, the fall season is wayyyy too short, and winter is wayyy too long for my taste (although I love skiing, there\’s just too much time just being cold in between for no good reason).
I\’ve done winter in NY, and girl, that\’s the kind of cold we don\’t get here. The kind of cold that seeps into my brain. No bueno. My heart goes out to you.
Does anyone else sleep better in the fall? Its amazing what a few degrees cooler will do. Autumn also has a poignant beauty I love. The only problem with autumn is it precedes that dreadful season that begins with W. Can\’t even say it. Shiver.
*raises hand*
But I love winter, too. At least the part where there\’s enough \’o the white stuff on which to ski.
I admit to being one who holds on to summer for dear life but I\’m not gonna knock fall. You bring up a lot of good points. My favorite is closed toe shoes. I\’m especially looking forward to that considering the toes desperatly need some attention right now but I haven\’t been motivated yet to mess with them.
Cover them up! Toes need privacy.