Ten things I wish someone would invent to make traveling easier
One of my chic-iest friends posted an Instagram photo of a little, clear plastic clutch she’s going to start using for travel in place of the standard Ziploc the rest of us plebs employ to schlep our lotions and shampoos and other liquid stuffs onto airplanes.
At first, I thought “isn’t that just the coolest thing!” I mean, we’re all just one kitschy plastic tote away from either looking our put-together best or coming across like a crazed hoarder unloading a packed lunch all over the TSA belt. Amiright?
So, I whipped out my credit card and went to the website straightaway, and found out those cute, little totes the size of sandwich bags are a whopping $88 bucks apiece. Which is when I decided I’d stick with my non kitschy ways for a little while until I win the Lotto or something.
… But it made me think about other travel conveniences I’d come up with if I have the extra cash, a really sharp inventor brain, and some free time. Unfortunately, I’m a little short on … well all those things, but I’m going to share my ideas in case there’s an inventor type among you with the corresponding money and spare time.
Because, you know I’m a …. (let’s all say it together, now …) giver.
So, without further ado, here’s my list of top ten cool travel thingies I think someone needs to hurry up and invent so I can be more comfortable (and while you’re at it maybe give me credit for the idea and don’t charge me an arm and a leg, okay? I’ll return the favor with some promotion across my various aggressively average social media platforms, I promise ––And it just occurred to me that this whole parenthetical aside is falling into the category of “ado,” the likes of which I promised no furtherance. Sorry):
So, ahem, my travel gadget wish-list includes:
- A pair of moisture-wicking socks with some sort of anti-bacterial property and non-slip pads for making my way through airport security, sans shoes.
- Noise-canceling headphones that sound a special chime to wake me whenever the drink cart approaches.
- Knee and elbow pads that can be dialed in to deliver anywhere from a light tingling sensation to the kind of jolt your dog gets from a bark collar, signaling the person next to me not to hog the armrest on the plane, or manspread into my space on the tram.
- Face wipes for freshening up after a long airplane ride, infused with some non-chemical (but mystical or magical) something that gives me a healthier pallor than someone who’s been squeezed into a coach seat for the last three hours.
- A sturdy backpack that can fit under an airplane seat with room for books, a computer, all my charging cables, a change of clothes, and a secret compartment that opens up like Harry Potter’s tent but with a day spa/sports bar combo inside.
- A glow-aura thingie that makes me stand out on a plane so when the airline attendant learns I’ve got less than an hour to make a connection, he can announce something like “if you would be so kind as to let the radioactive looking woman in 27e exit the plane before you all get up and crowd the aisle, she won’t have to zing you with her elbows on her way out. Thank you.”
- Oversized sunglasses with UV protection and a map overlay so I don’t have to pull out the travel book or use up all of my phone’s charge with a Google map to figure out where I’m going, thereby attracting random strangers with offers of help whilst their buddies may or may not be picking my pockets.
- …. Oh and if the glasses could have a google translate option for street signs and menus, that would be cool.
- A credit card with a phone app I can program with life goals and values and stuff so when I’m looking up my balance it’ll give me some guidance, like (for example) either “girl, those shoes are the bomb, but they’re not going to fit in your luggage and you won’t be able to walk ten feet without tripping on a cobblestone,” or “yes, you are, in fact, dangerously close your limit, but we’re going to waive that for the little side trip to Hungary you’re thinking about because how often are you going to get to this part of Europe?”
- A tincture of mineral water infused with demon’s bane and the blood of my enemies that will ward off any and all viruses to which my immune system may not be accustomed (with complimentary sample packets of Imodium, Tamiflu, and Tums just in case).
- And as long as we’re dreaming big: one of those clear plastic, cute little totes for my lotions and liquids that is TSA approved but still doesn’t set me back a whole $88 bucks.
What’d I miss? What kind of gadget or product would make your travel day easier?